April 2003

Lessons Learned From the Homeless

During challenging times, taking the higher road may lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

By Bill Dyer

While walking to a restaurant one evening, I met a homeless man named Robert. Four hours later, we walked out of the restaurant and a friendship was born. In all the hours we’ve shared talking, I’ve come to realize that Robert is one of the greatest teachers I’ve ever had the privilege of being around.
One freezing morning I picked Robert up to go get a cup of coffee. When he got in my car, I noticed that he didn’t have his coat, so I asked him where it was. He looked at me and said, “Bill, last night I was sitting on the sidewalk with this older guy, and he was so cold, he was shaking like a leaf. I could hear his teeth chattering, and I felt very sorry for him, so I gave him my coat.”
My jaw dropped. Here’s a guy who has nowhere to go but a sidewalk. He’s cold, exhausted, desperate, and downtrodden. His two most pressing questions in life are where his next meal will come from and where he’ll sleep tonight. He’s in a test of survival. His clothes are all he owns, but he still literally gives the coat off his back to help someone in need.
What compels a man like Robert to help another? Maybe we can learn something valuable from him that will make a difference in our lives as we face our own challenges.
Although organizational, operational, economic, regulatory, national, community, and family challenges are a far cry from not knowing where your next meal will come from, they too can leave you feeling angry, upset, frustrated, fed-up, exhausted, and even scared. That’s normal during challenging times of change when we are faced with giving up something we know — whether it’s a habit, routine, idea, relationship, procedure, or role in our company. Where there is change there is also some experience of loss and letting go. That is why people, in general, resist the change process.
When life challenges occur that way, our nature tells us “It is not our turn to give. It’s our turn to receive something uplifting or something that will restore what we’ve lost.” Any suggestion that we might be giving at a time like this is likely to be met with a resolute, “I don’t think so!”, and we miss the boat because it is through giving in times like these that we actually help ourselves.
In his book Try Giving Yourself Away, David Dunn said, “I’ve come to believe that my hobby of helping, of giving away, with the flush of pleasure it brings, is the finest heart tonic in the world.” Dunn hit the mark in describing the magic of giving of ourselves in service to others.
Giving of yourself to help others can be a powerful contributor to health and long life. Studies have revealed that people who did volunteer work at least once/week outlived those who did none, nearly three-to-one. Giving does your heart good in more ways than one.
What you can do in the spirit of giving is endless. You can give yourself away and help others with such simple gestures as a smile, a kind word, or doing someone a favor. You can write a note, give a compliment, pat someone on the back, recognize someone for an accomplishment, or hold a door open a little longer for a complete stranger.
Volunteering your time is a wonderful option too. Whether you visit residents in a nursing home or host a group of school kids on a field trip at your site, you’ll climb into bed with a smile on your face about the positive difference you made.
Og Mandino, in his book A Better Way To Live, poses a powerful question: “What if you begin treating everyone you meet — your family, your neighbors, your co-workers, strangers, customers, even enemies if you have any — as if they, along with you, will be dead by midnight!?” Now how do you suppose you would treat everyone? You know how. With more consideration and care and love than you ever have before. And how do you suppose they would respond to your kindness? Of course! With more consideration and kindness and cooperation than you ever experienced from others in the past.
Those are the very things we need the most in challenging times of change. There are at least five things you can do with your hands during difficult times. You can wring them in despair, fold them in helplessness, clench them in anger, hold them up in surrender, or use them to help someone.
Much of the world is on the wrong scent in pursuit of fulfillment and happiness. If only they knew the secret of a homeless man sitting on a sidewalk in the dead of winter without his coat. My friend gave his coat in challenging times because giving is a heart tonic, served up on a higher road where you find peace of mind and a reason to smile; where your problems disappear because you aren’t thinking about yourself.
The next time you find yourself overwhelmed and frustrated about all the changes taking place around you, and all you really want is a little peace of mind, use your hands to help someone. Drink that heart tonic, and don’t be surprised when, as a result, you get exactly what you want.

Bill Dyer is a professional speaker and trainer for Quantum Leap Resources, Greensboro, N.C.