October 2003

Your perception of reality can hold you back from success. Sometimes, it’s all in your head.

By Bill Dyer

It’s not who you are that holds you back. What holds you back is who you think you aren’t. Having that understanding can be the difference between success and failure in any key payoff activity, particularly where change is necessary. It can be the difference between excelling in a new role or position, and struggling like crazy to just be mediocre. If you are going to be your best in this life, it is critical to notice what you say to yourself about your life experiences. It’s also critical to know that “reality” doesn’t hold you back. Your “perception of reality” holds you back.
“I must be stupid. I’m just not smart enough.” Those are words I said to myself in the 4th grade. Class had just ended. Everyone was ready to go home. As I packed up my books, my teacher Mrs. Thurmond, walked back to me and said, “Bill, you are going to be staying late today. I’ve called your parents and they will be picking you up later.” I asked “Why?” and she replied, “I’m going to be your tutor. I’m going to give you some extra help you need.” As I watched everyone else leave the classroom, I said to myself, “No one else needs extra help. Everyone else gets to go home on time. Not me though. It must be because I’m not smart enough.”
Little did I know how much that day would impact my adult life. Every time I struggled in school (often!) and each time I answered a question wrong, made a mistake, or didn’t do well, I would say to myself, “I’m just not smart enough.” Over time, that became my belief about myself. For 20 years, I wouldn’t pursue certain interests or jobs, or take on certain challenges. I wasn’t smart enough. I wouldn’t even be comfortable speaking to certain people, so I avoided them. I couldn’t be a professional speaker and I certainly couldn’t start a business. Write an article? A book? No way. I knew I wasn’t smart enough to do things like that, so why even try?
One day, my outlook completely changed. I learned a little secret — Reality does not hold us back. Our perception of reality holds us back. I learned that “being tutored” meant nothing other than my teacher worked with me one on one. I’m the one who made my experience mean “I must not be smart enough.” The meaning I added was my own interpretation and became the belief barrier that would keep me from reaching my potential. The reality of being tutored wasn’t holding me back. My perception of “being tutored” was holding me back.
All of us have belief barriers and we usually aren’t even aware they exist, much less how they negatively impact our achievements. That’s the reason why it is so important to identify self-limiting beliefs and conquer them. What belief barriers hold you back?
Some common belief barriers include: I’m not smart enough; I don’t have the right background; I’m not good enough; I just don’t have the time; I’m too shy; I can’t seem to get organized; Things never work out; I can’t seem to stop; I can’t remember names; I’m just not cut out for that; I’m too old; I’m too young; and I’m not good in front of groups.
If these resonate with you to any degree, imagine that I called a couple of surgeons from a local hospital and they performed a major Identity Operation on you. They took everything out of your body and analyzed it closely under a microscope, before putting you back together. Is there anywhere in your miraculous body that those surgeons would find an organ called, “I just don’t have the time” or a damaged bone called “I’m not smart enough”?
Of course not. Such limitations are not part of your physical existence. That’s what I mean when I say, it is not who you are that holds you back. Limiting beliefs only exist in your language, in what you say to yourself and speak to other people.
Relative to being tutored, anyone could have said to me, and I could have said to myself, “Bill, you are so smart that you need to spend some extra time filling up that brain of yours.” Had that been the meaning I gave to being tutored, I would have developed a very different belief about myself. I would have created very different and improved results in life. Fortunately, it is never too late to create such new meaning and be who you were all along.
Once I blew up my perception that I must be stupid, I became smart enough to do a lot of things, including start a business, be a speaker, and write a book. I didn’t become smart enough by going back to school and making better grades. I became smart enough by managing my conversations with myself. You can do the same to overcome belief barriers.
Limiting beliefs only exist in your words. Here’s a great question. If your life depended on it, could you control what you say to another person? If you answered “Yes,” then you certainly can also control what you say to yourself. You can develop new beliefs the same way you developed old, limiting ones. Talk to yourself. Only this time, use words that enable you to be more, do more, have more, and experience more at home and work. Achieving far beyond what you ever thought possible. It’s all in your head.

Bill Dyer is a professional speaker and trainer for Quantum Leap Resources, Greensboro, N.C.